Darkness Grows Closer
by phandemonia
Summary: Phil starts at a new school and the first person he meets is a boy named Dan. Will the boy's secrets prove too much for their new found friendship? Rated M for references to depression, abuse and other similar themes that feature later in the story. This is my first Fic so hopefully it isn't a complete disaster! Contains mild-moderate swearing.
1. Chapter 1 - Intro

_I could feel the weight on my arms, as if it was dragging me further and further into darkness. I was fighting everything within me. I didn't want to go back into that pit of spiralling depression but I couldn't find a way to get out of it._

**Dan's POV**

Wednesday's were always crap; school, homework and 'family time'. It was also midweek meaning that there were two more days of school left however that always failed to cheer me up. I dragged myself out of bed and turned to the clock reading 7:30. I heard the door close behind my mother who was leaving for work- she always left half an hour before she needed to so she could get Claire, my little sister, to school. I didn't complain however as it meant I had the house to myself to get ready. I showered and threw on my school uniform. It look awful on me, but I couldn't complain too much because at least everyone had the same thing. One less thing to worry about. I dried my hair and pulled the straightened it, grabbed my bag and a cereal bar and ran out the front door. It was 8:18 and according to all my past experience I should be on time to school if I walked quickly.

The time was 8:38 when I walked in the school gates, the teacher stood on the path greeting everyone as they walking in hurrying them into class. I sat down in my usual place at the back avoiding eye contact with everyone in the room. One headphone hung out of my ear as the teacher walked into the room. 'Sake' I thought, it was just getting to my favourite part of the Muse song. I turned the music off and stared forward waiting for the register to begin. Suddenly, my thoughts were disturbed when the head teacher, Mr Kerrigan, walked in, a boy with long black hair and bright blue eyes followed behind.

Mr Kerrigan spoke 'Sorry to disturb you Mr Wilkinson, I'm here to introduce the newest member of the school. His name is Phil Lester and I'm sure we will all make him feel welcome'.

'Hello Phil, I'm sure you'll be just fine.' Came the reply from Mr Wilkinson, 'would you like to find a seat and I'll find you a day book'.

**Phil's POV**

I walked into the classroom behind my new Head Teacher, Kerrigan if I wasn't mistaken. I just hoped that he wouldn't make me speak in front of the whole class, I was nervous enough as it was. Fortunately he introduced me and my form tutor asked me to take a seat. As I looked around the room I became aware that there was only one seat left, next to the boy with long straight brown hair. I sat down and hoped he wouldn't start a conversation to avoid any awkward situations. He didn't want to have to explain the reason he had moved school.

'Hey, I'm Dan' the boy spoke. Great.

'Hi, Phil' I responded quietly, looking up from the table.

I noticed that Dan was staring at me, and could feel his eyes almost piercing the back of my neck as I turned to look down again. God, this was going to be harder than I thought. I don't want to have to make a load of new friends, I just wanted to get the day over with and return home again.

_Okay, so this is my first shot at a fanfic and I'm still a little unsure about what I'm going to do with the story however, I've set a little start for myself now and hopefully I'll be able to carry on with this. I managed to write this beginning part quite quickly as it was an idea I had and so I know it's a little crap… It should get better though!_


	2. Chapter 2 - After School

_Chapter 2_

**Phil's POV**

The bell sounded for the end of the day. I'd survived fairly unnoticed and managed to avoid the brown haired boy in my form, Dan I think it was. I couldn't avoid him forever, I'd have to see him tomorrow in the morning. He was a lot taller that I thought he was going to be when he stood up for the first lesson however I didn't see much more than that as I ran straight out the room to find my first class. I walked home quickly, it was about half an hour away if I walked quickly and I wouldn't want dad to get annoyed with me for being too late home. It was like treading on eggshells with him, one day he will be really supportive but one wrong move and his temper goes through the roof.

When I opened the door I saw him lying on the sofa, asleep. I snuck upstairs and dropped my bag off, making as little noise as possible, and returned downstairs into the kitchen to clean up the mess dad had left the night before. I hated it when he drank, but there never seemed like a moment when he wasn't drinking anymore. The kitchen was a state, beer bottles, glass, and – wait it wasn't was it- nope, definitely sick. Great, that meant getting the bleach out. After an hour, the downstairs looked almost like new aside from the living room floor which couldn't be hovered with dad sleeping on the sofa. I heard him stirring however and shortly his groans came through.

'Phiiiiil, what are you doing?' he said.

I responded nervously, hoping he was in a good mood 'just clearing up, you okay in there? Want anything?'

'Hmm,' came the tired reply 'yeah, pass the water and paracetamol. My head is killing. And put some dinner on.'

I was in luck, he seemed to be in a good mood. I grabbed him what he needed and went into the living room. 'There you go, we don't have anything in the house. Do you want me to go shopping or order a takeaway?'

Dad looked at me 'You choose, there's some money in the pot. Don't be too long. I'm not eating.' He drank the water and shut his eyes again. Maybe I'd assumed wrong, this was usually how a bad night started.

I ran up to my room, changed into my Pokémon t-shirt, jeans and favourite vans. I caught a glimpse of my arms I the mirror before I left. 'Shit' I though, almost forgot to grab a jacket. I couldn't let dad see the scars, he's flip out big time. I left the house still undecided on what to eat.

**Dan's POV**

I shut the door behind Claire as she sped into the house and up into her room to play with her toys, a giggle in her voice. I always picked her up from school because mum worked late. I went up to my room and slumped on the bed thinking about the day. I couldn't get the new boy, Phil, out of my mind. Those bright blue eyes were burning holes in it. Thoughts were flying around my brain from the day that had just passed. New boy. Forgotten homework. Detention. Fight. Bullies. Fag. Scars. The thoughts were driving me insane so I turned my music on switching on Muse: Symmetry. The music was so loud I didn't notice mum come into the room shouting at me to turn it down.

'Hello to you too' I retorted.

'I would be polite if you didn't have that bloody racket booming around the house.' She said walking out the room. 'Dinner will be ready in half an hour, you should come down and help.'

'Yeah, I will.' I said this, knowing that I'd be walking down the stairs in half an hour having done nothing at all. Well, that's what a little sister is for! 'CLAIRE!'

She skipped into the room, 'yes Dan?'

'Would you mind helping mum with dinner? Pleeeease?' I begged.

'But I always do it' she moaned back.

'I'll buy you that magazine that you wanted?'

'Okay! Thanks Dan!'

It was so easy to bribe an 8 year old. Anyway, I was determined to spend as little time with mum before she forced us to have 'family time'. It was always the worst time of the week. We would have to sit in the living room and David, my dad, would come round and we'd talk about what we did during the day and maybe watch a programme. That was if it didn't end in an argument, which was very frequent. I don't know why she still bothered with him and with the stupid idea. My thoughts were interrupted once more by Mum calling up the stairs

'DAN GET DOWN HERE NOW AND STOP BRIBING YOUR SISTER!'

Fuck sake.

_Okay, so how do you think it's going? I'm starting to get a bit of character development into this. Next chapter will be the same night, and what happens at family night and when Phil gets home. Hope you're enjoying it! Thank you to Its-real-to-us for the review, gives me confidence to keep writing!_


	3. Chapter 3 - Starbucks

_**I would just like to say quickly that the family members and characters in this are completely fictional. I am using Dan and Phil in a fictional sense and the story isn't based on real life events. Hope you enjoy this next chapter. Writing one a day in order to avoid writing my personal statement! **_

Chapter 3

**Dan's POV**

I dragged my feet downstairs and into the kitchen, stopping suddenly when I saw that David was in the room too. I called him David because he was no longer a father to me, just a guy that used to be in my life and tried so hard to get back in, but I wouldn't forgive him for what he did.

'What are you doing here? We haven't even had dinner yet?' I said, still stood in the kitchen doorway.

'Dan, don't be so rude' mum said to me, 'your dad is going to be having dinner here today, we will still be having family time.'

'What is this? I was okay with family time, but this is just too far!' I replied.

'Look Dan, I want to be more involved in your life again.' This time it was David who spoke, 'I know we haven't really gotten along well in the past but-'

'-we all know who's fault that is!' I cut him off shortly. I wasn't ready to play happy families yet. Family time was hard enough, I only played along for Claire. 'You can't wean your way back into our lives, not after what you did to mum.'

'Dan, that was two years ago' my mum said, taking a seat.

'So you're telling me that you forgive him for sleeping with that whore?!' I was getting angry, how could she be siding with him?

'Don't use that language in my house Dan. No, I don't forgive him, but I am lonely and struggling. I wouldn't mind a bit of help in my life raising our two children.' She replied, the last sentence turning towards David.

He began talking, 'I want to help, and I feel like I've missed so much in the last two years. I've missed you all. I've apologised for what I did to your mother-'

I cut my dad off again '-I don't care what you think or how you feel. You didn't think about us when you were fucking that bitch.'

'DANIEL HOWELL, how dare you use that language in this house, how many times do I have to tell you that!?' My mum stood up and moved closer to me. 'Get out of here, we'll continue this later.'

'Whatever' I turned around and stormed upstairs and slammed my bedroom door. I couldn't believe that she was being so reasonable with him. I can't believe that she wants that dickhead back in our lives permanently. If that was the case then I had to get out of here. There was no way that I could spend the whole night with him. My head was spinning. I grabbed my phone, a jacket and my keys. I had to get out of here. I wasn't going to be able to use the front door so I climbed out of my room, something that I'd gained a skill of doing. When I landed on the ground I started walking, and walking until I reached town. I sat in Starbucks ordering a coffee and sitting down.

**Phil's POV**

Fortunately we didn't live too far from town and I knew the quickest way to walk. I wasn't really that hungry after having such a stressful day. It was starting to get dark, I loved that about autumn, I decided that I was just going to get a drink and then head home, picking up a pizza for dad. I could see Starbucks in the distance and decided that's where I was going. I walked in and began to order when I noticed Dan sat in the corner. Shit. I really hoped he didn't see me.

'Phil?'

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. 'Oh, hey Dan isn't it?' I said, hiding my regret.

'Yeah, what are you doing here?' Dan asked me.

'Erm, getting coffee I guess, what about you?' Well obviously. What a stupid response.

'Same really, haha' he sounded a little awkward, 'do you want to sit with me?'

Great, the one thing I didn't want him to ask. 'Yeah, sure' I said taking my caramel latte over to his table being careful not to drop it.

'I didn't see you around in school, how did you manage to hide so well?' he asked, laughing.

'I guess we just didn't have any lessons together.' Why did this have to be so damn awkward? He was just someone in my form, why did I have to be so awkward around new people?

'Yeah, I guess' he took a sip from his drink. 'So, how come you've moved to this school?'

'Oh, erm, I just wasn't doing well at my old school so my dad decided to move me.' LIE. But I wasn't going to tell a stranger the real reason I left my old school.

'Well I'll pre-warn you, it's not exactly the best school so I wouldn't get your hopes up for outstanding results and teachers who constantly support you. It may seem like it in your first few days but that's just so that you don't leave too early.' Dan was going on a bit, why was he saying this? 'Anyway, tell me a bit about you.'

'What do you mean?' I questioned.

'Well, what are your interests, hobbies, anything?' He asked again.

'I don't really know, I like gaming a bit and going online, reading, that's about it really – I'm not a very interesting person.' I hated talking about myself to people.

'What games do you like?' He seemed to ignore my last sentence looking at his phone that kept buzzing.

'Erm, I don't really know. Sonic, Pokemon, anything PS1 or old I guess.' Why was I telling him so much about myself, I've never been this open to someone before?

'I love Sonic! PS1 has some awesome games!' he sounded genuinely interested.

My phone buzzed in my pocket. I unlocked it and read the text from my dad:

_Wherre are yuo? Get homee now!_

'Shit.'

'What?' asked Dan.

'Nothing, I just have to go, I'll see you at school tomorrow.' I replied, walking quickly out of the shop. As soon as I was out of sight I started running. I wasn't going to have time to get a pizza and that was going to piss dad off even more. Tonight wasn't going to be fun.

_**I'm really enjoying writing this and I'm starting to get more of a storyline to it, sorry that it's going quite slowly but I'm trying to introduce a lot of characters in the first night.**_


	4. Chapter 4 - Back Home

_**I've just read two really nice reviews and had people favourite and follow my story! EEK! This makes me so happy and excited and want to keep writing more. I'm really glad that you like it and continue to follow the story :)**_

Chapter 4

**Dan's POV**

Phil was out the door before I could ask to hang out again sometime. Oh well, I guess there was always school tomorrow. I wasn't quite ready to go back home yet however the people working at Starbucks were starting to look annoyed so I decided to grab my coat and leave shortly after Phil. I wonder what made him leave so quickly. As I walked back home, I began to remember what I was going back to. A house that was turned upside down little over 2 years ago by a man that used to be my father. However, it's not just what he did to my mum that makes me so angry with him. When he left, everything kicked off in my life, my descent into depression began and the bullying never stopped.

My mum noticed that I had changed. I stopped talking to her, I shut my door the instant I walked into the house and then she began to notice the bruises.

_-Flashback-_

'_Dan will you please look at me when I am talking to you!' mum was starting to get really annoyed with me, why didn't she get that I was trying to cover up my face for a reason. I turned around slowly. The look on her face was horrifying._

'_Oh my God Dan, what the hell happened to your face?' she said, tears coming to her eyes._

'_Nothing mum, it's not as bad as it looks, I swear' I replied, lying. Of course it was bad, my eye was black and my lip was swollen twice its normal size._

'_Who did this to you Dan?'_

'_No one, just leave it.'_

'_That's it, tomorrow I'm going into your school and speaking to your head.'_

_Fuck. This couldn't be happening. 'No please don't mum, you'll only make it worse. Please. I'll talk to a teacher tomorrow and get it sorted. Please don't go into school.' I was past caring about being pathetic, if mum went in I probably wouldn't leave school alive._

'_Okay, promise me you will' she said, sadness ridden in her voice._

'_I promise.' Another lie._

_-End Flashback-_

Before I knew it, my thoughts had landed me back home. I climbed back up the terrace and through the bedroom window. It was only 3 hours after I had left and I guessed they hadn't noticed I had left at all. It felt necessary to go downstairs and apologise to mum for swearing. I didn't regret what I had said, but I know that mum doesn't like me swearing. I opened my bedroom door and began walking downstairs only to be greeted instantly by David.

'What are you still doing here?' I said sharply.

'Dan, I know that you don't particularly like me, but you have got to start putting your silly little needs behind you and start thinking of your mum. She's struggling on her own-'

'-we're doing just fine actually' I cut in.

'No Dan, you're so self-absorbed that you can't even see the stress your mum is under.' He was really starting to piss me off.

'Stress? I wonder when that started then Dad?' I began raising my voice, 'let me think, oh yeah, that would be when you decided to spend a night in bed with a whore.'

'How many times do I have to apologise for that? I've told you I'm sorry' his voiced remained solemn.

'It's not enough, I don't want you back in my life. You may be able to twist your way into mum's mind but you won't get anywhere with me.' I turned around and walked back into my room. Any thought of apologising to mum was wiped from my mind.

I looked around my room, I knew exactly what I was looking for and I knew where it was, but I didn't want to use it. I didn't want to fall back into that spiralling pit of depression once more. It had been a year since I last cut myself, it was the first and the last but I never threw away the blades. I reached under the bed, pulling out a small wooden box and opened it revealing many small blades. Did I really want to do this? Just as I thought that, the memories came over me like a tidal wave, blinding me with anger and hurt. I picked up a blade and pressed it against my skin and allowed the release to consume me.

**Phil's POV**

When I walked in the door I could see my dad stood in the kitchen, holding the side for support. It had only been a few hours, how the hell had he managed to get this drunk this quickly.

'Um, Dad, I'm back' I said, trying to hide the nerves in my voice.

He turned around, losing his balance and grabbing hold of the side again 'Where the hell have you been, I told you to get food and not be long?! You've been gone for hours!'

'I've not been that long, only a couple of hours. I guess I didn't walk quickly enough. I'm sorry.' Oh god, I really hope he stays in the kitchen. As if he could hear my thoughts he began stumbling towards me.

'Well next time, walk faster, idiot.' Spite consumed his every word. That's when he hit me.

'FUCK DAD! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!' Tears were starting to form in my eyes. He'd hit me before but I'd deserved it then. I had only been out for a couple of hours, he was being so unreasonable.

'Don't fucking answer me back you little shit. I told you not to be long and you purposely ignored me.' He hit me again, this time harder and I fell into the door behind me. 'How DARE you treat me like an idiot.' I used my hand to feel for the doorknob behind me, hoping for my escape, and then came another blow. He hit my stomach this time and I instantly doubled over, winded.

'Please dad, stop, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be that long' I said, coughing, 'I just lost track of time!' I was still fighting tears back.

'Well, I guess you won't be losing track of time any more will you, now piss off.' One more hit and he pointed towards my room. God, I felt so pathetic. I wanted more than anything just to run away from this house. As much as I hated my dad, I also loved him. He was the only family I had left and I was the only person he had to look after him. I may have been scared of him, but at least he gave me a roof over my head. I walked slowly to my room, clutching my stomach as I did, and shut my door quietly. I didn't bother to change as I crawled only my bed and my thoughts were spiralling around my head. What did I do to deserve this? If mum was still here none of this would have happened. Mum. God, I missed her so much. Everything went to shit when she died. Dad lost himself and decided to take everything out on me and I'm still trying to live with the consequences.

The thoughts continued to spin round and round in my head, tears streaming down my face as I remembered the family we used to be.

_**Okay, I'm sorry that Phil's part is short in this chapter, I couldn't really think of how to write the abuse scene as I'm not familiar with it, in fact most of this story is out of my known field, but I tried my best. I promise to make it better, but I can't promise that the story will be happier. I have quite a depressing mind! Hope you enjoyed this chapter though.**_


	5. Chapter 5 - Bathroom

_**A.N. Firstly, I'm going to apologise. I'm so so sorry that it's been almost a week when I was on daily uploads! Basically, I was ill which is why I was writing because I didn't have school but now I'm back at school and I work all weekend and I'm a massive supporter of procrastination and I kind of just keep putting writing this chapter off. I'm sorry, I know I'm a terrible person! Hope you enjoy this chapter and remember to leave a review and favourite if you like it, keeps me motivated! :)**_

* * *

Chapter 5

**Dan's POV**

I sat in the back of the classroom as always. I hoped that Phil was going to choose to sit next to me again, after all he sat there yesterday. I don't really know what it is about him, but he just seems interesting and from the brief talk we had last night in Starbucks, I think we'd get on really well. Although there is something secret about him, if we're going to be friends, I'm going to have to do some digging. My thoughts took over and I didn't even realise that Phil had come in the classroom and sat down next to me already before he interrupted them.

'Hey' he said, making me jump slightly.

'Oh, hey. J'eez are you always that silent, I didn't even notice you come in!' I said, slightly laughing. I looked up and noticed a bruise on his face. That definitely wasn't there yesterday. 'What the hell happened to your face?'

'Erm, oh that', he said touching his swollen eye 'it's nothing. I'm really clumsy and I walked into a door. It's not as bad as it looks though.'

'Oh right, okay.' Either he genuinely did walk into a wall or he is a really good liar, but that didn't look like a door mark. It looked like a fist mark. I decided not to push any further on the matter as I could see he was getting uncomfortable. 'So, what are you up to after school?'

'Me?'

'No, the wall.' Sarcasm dripping from my remark, 'of course I mean you!'

'Oh, well, nothing I don't think.' He said, nervously.

'Do you want to come round to my house then? We could play Sonic or something?' Mum wasn't going to be home until late and she wouldn't mind someone being round.

'Yeah sure, that sounds good.'

The bell rang, sounding the end of form time and the start of lesson 1. We got up to leave.

'Great! Do you have Mr Kirklee for maths period 5?' I asked.

'Yeah, I think so, is that your lesson too?' he responded.

'Certainly is, see you then, unless I see you around at break or lunch?'

He nodded as he walked off to lesson, I had English, and I had no homework. This was going to be a great lesson, not.

* * *

I walked through the hallway alone. I hated lunchtime as there were always so many people in the halls and there was such a high chance of walking into Jackson or Peter. Jackson had always been a dick to me and for no apparent reason. I managed to avoid him most days but that didn't stop me from being scared to walk around the school. I could see them both walking my way. '_SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT_' I thought to myself. _'Quick, turn around now, maybe they haven't seen you.'_

'HEY DAN! WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?' Peter's voice ran down the hallway. People didn't turn around or think that anything was wrong. He sounded like a friend calling out for a friend, only I could really make out the malicious tone in his voice apparently. I turned around, if I didn't it would only make it worse.

'Hey Peter.' My voice toneless.

'How abouts we go for a walk to the toilets hey? We haven't had a catch up in a while' he placed his hand on my shoulders and directed me towards the door opposite. This was not going to be fun.

As soon as the doors closed behind Jackson, Peter threw me against a wall with a fist against my stomach. The wind blew straight out of me.

'We've seen you talking to that new kid in form. Do you like him Dan?' Another blow to the stomach when I didn't answer, this time from Jackson.

'No' I coughed. Peter still had me pinned up against a wall and took this as an opportunity to hit me again. I wasn't going to win either way.

'Lies. You love him. I've seen the way to stare at him you queer' He dropped me to the ground and a curled up to protect my stomach. I received a kick to the side.

'You're so pathetic. Just accept that no one likes you. I don't know why you don't just kill yourself.' Another 3 kicks and they left me curled up in a ball on the bathroom floor. Fuck. What the hell did I do to deserve this? I wasn't even gay. Tears streamed down my face as I thought of what I could have done to deserve no friends and misery. I remained on the bathroom floor for the remainder of lunch, praying that no one would walk in. When I heard the bell signalling the end of lunch I pulled myself out of my shell, using the sink as support, splashed water on my face and made my way to lesson hoping no one would notice my inability to walk upright.


	6. Chapter 6 - Sonic

_**I'm not making excuses because I don't have any real excuses. However, I have decided that I'm going to try and make this a weekly upload story unless I suddenly get a burst of inspiration to write another chapter before the time. So it will be either on a Monday or Tuesday – saying that, I'm just as good as Dan at keeping to a schedule… (I love Dan, I'm sorry!)**_

_**In other quick Phan news, they released their advent calendar today! ASDFGHJKLOMFGIDEK! Totally ordered it straight away… BACK TO THE STORY!**_

* * *

Chapter 6

**Phil's POV**

I hadn't been able to find Dan at lunch so I spent it hiding in the library again. The bell had just rung to sound the end of lunch however so that meant I was going to be seeing Dan in an hour. I've decided that we need to arrange a meeting place if we're going to try and see each other during break and lunch rather than just walking around aimlessly hoping we will bump into each other. I walked into the science lab and sat down. I was giving more focus to the clock rather than the teacher all lesson. By the end of the lesson I was vaguely aware of the fact that I'd learnt about how forces work together but I was very aware that I could now see Dan and that made me rush to maths.

I walked into the classroom and took a seat at the back, placing my things on the desk. Dan walked into the class 5 minutes late holding his stomach with a sad look on his face.

'Sorry I'm late sir' Dan said quietly.

'Can you explain why you are late, Mr Howell?' the teacher replied, why did they always have to be dicks?

'I didn't feel well.' Dan remained at the front of the room looking at his feet.

'Well, make sure that it doesn't happen next time. Get to your seat.' Maybe I had been quick to judge Mr Kirklee, he didn't seem too bad.

Dan walked over to my table and took a seat next to me. He looked in pain, I assumed it was because he was ill as he had told the teacher, but I was willing to ask just in case. 'Hey Dan, you okay?'

'Yeah, fine.' He replied.

'You sure? You look in pain?' He still had his hand on his stomach and was breathing irregularly.

'Yes, I just don't feel well, did you not hear me tell sir that?' He sounded like he was getting annoyed so I decided to drop the topic.

'Okay, just checking. You haven't missed anything anyway.' I whispered so Kirklee wouldn't hear me. 'Still up for Sonic after school?'

'What?' He looked up, 'Oh yeah, sure.'

'We don't have to if you-'

'-I'm sorry boys, am I interrupting something there?' I was stopped by Mr Kirklee's interruption.

'No sir, sorry.' I replied as Dan returned to looking at the desk.

'Good, now where was I?' Mr Kirklee said, returning his attention to the rest of the class.

**Dan's POV**

By the end of the lesson I had cheered up a good amount. I was still in a lot of pain in my side however Phil had managed to distract me a lot with his sarcastic comments and jokes under his breath during the lesson. We got up and left the classroom and I noticed Phil lingering awkwardly behind me.

'What are you doing?' I stopped and turned around to talk to him. He nearly walked into me.

'Oh, erm well I don't know where your house is?' Shit, I'd completely forgotten he was coming to my house.

'Oh yeah, sorry. Well don't walk behind me, at least make it look like you know me!' I joked.

He moved next to me and we walked home. I was walking a lot slower than I usually would due to the pain in my side however Phil managed to keep me distracted. When we got outside my house I held my hands up 'Well, this is home!' and then I opened the door.

'It looks nice' Phil said, with a smile on his face.

'It's just a house, it's nothing amazing. Do you want anything to drink?' I asked, walking into the kitchen.

'I'm alright.' He was looking at pictures in the hallway. 'Who are all these people?'

I grabbed myself a glass of water and paracetamol to help with the pain and returned to the hallway. 'Oh, those are family pictures. That's my mum,' I pointed at the people in the picture, 'my sister Claire, and dad, but he doesn't live here anymore.'

'Oh, they look nice.' Phil seemed genuine, if only he knew.

'They aren't all bad.' I replied, the all didn't include David. 'Should we go up to my room, that's where the games are?'

'After you!' Phil's attention turned away from the pictures. He looked sad as he looked at them, I'm not sure why though. He followed me as I walked upstairs, very slowly. I opened my bedroom door, thank god I had tidied a few days ago, the mess was reasonable. I dumped my things on the floor and gestured for Phil to sit on the bed while I got the games ready.

'Well, what do you want to play? I have Sonic? Crash Bandicoot? GTA? Guitar Hero? The choice is yours?' I showed him the selection of games I had.

'Sonic sounds good to me' he said, cheerfully. I put the disc in and grabbed the controllers climbing onto the bed next to Phil. I suddenly winced in pain as I knocked my ribs on the mattress and I noticed Phil turn to look at me.

'What's wrong?' Phil quizzed.

'Nothing, I just have a stich' Lies. I was fairly good at lying, however I wasn't convinced that I had managed to convince Phil. Nevertheless, he returned to the game. I wasn't quite ready to go into the shit storm that is my life.

**Phil's POV**

It had seemed like Dan had been in quite a bit of pain but I could only believe what he told me so I trusted that whatever he was hiding wasn't too bad.

It was only when I looked at my phone that had buzzed in my pocket that I realised what the time was. _Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._ It was almost 5 and I wasn't home. Dad was not going to be pleased at all.

'Hey Dan, I think I'm going to have to go – it's getting late.' I really didn't want to have to go, I was having so much fun. We had talked about school and Dan had told me a little bit about how his dad had left home after cheating on his mum. I felt really sorry for him, he was obviously still hurt by his dad's actions, like me, only it wasn't physical pain…

'Really? That's shit! I was having fun!' he looked disappointed that I had to leave.

'I wish I could stay! I had fun too, we definitely have to do this another time.' I said, laughing slightly. We made our way downstairs and out the front door.

'I'll see you tomorrow at school!'

'See you tomorrow' I replied as I turned my back waving to him. It was starting to get darker so I picked up my pace to almost running. When I got in there was a note on the dining room table.

'_Gone out to the pub. Don't know where you are but make your own dinner. See you tomorrow.'_

Well, at least he wasn't at home. I made my way upstairs to my room. I wish I hadn't left Dan's now. Dad could have text me to tell me he wouldn't be home. I sat at my desk and pulled out my laptop and began watching Buffy.

* * *

_**Sorry that not much happened in this chapter but I didn't really know what else to do. I have an idea for the next chapter!**_

_**I want to quickly add, I'm thinking about possibly starting other Phan stories and/or one-shots so if you have any suggestions or want me to do one then leave a review with an idea and I'll see if I can create anything but I'm not promising anything! **_

_**Favourite if you enjoyed! :) **_


	7. Chapter 7 - Media

Chapter 7

**Dan's POV **

The rest of the week past fairly uneventful. Phil and I had hung out a bit during our breaks and lunches and I had invited him over a couple of times however he kept saying he couldn't. He probably didn't want to come over. I wasn't exactly a great host the other day, we had pretty much sat in silence and played games. Although he seemed to be enjoying it then and he has spoken to me since. I don't know, I'm probably over thinking it all.

Its Friday today meaning the weekend tomorrow. Hopefully today will pass as uneventful as the past couple of days, though I wouldn't put any bets on it.

'DAN, I HOPE YOU'RE UP!' I heard mum calling up the stairs, 'I'm leaving now with Claire. I'll be home early today'

I rolled over and looked the clock on my bedside table 'fuck' I muttered to myself. 'Yeah I'm up, see you later' I said absentmindedly as I jumped out of bed quickly changing into my uniform and throwing my books into my bag. I was going to be late and there was no way of making up time today. I grabbed a cereal bar and ran out the house and to school.

I arrived 5 minutes late, my fringe sticking to my head and trying to catch my breath. Exercise never was my strong point. Most people were already in their form rooms so the halls were empty. I made my way towards the classroom thinking of a better excuse as to why I was late other than 'I didn't want to wake up'. I walked into the room and all the eyes in the room turned to look at me.

'Mr Howell, take a seat, I don't even want an excuse today. You have detention afterschool' Mr Wilkinson pointed at my seat.

Well, at least I wasn't going to have to come up with some dumb excuse this time. I walked over to my seat, next to Phil who had been grinning at me the whole way through the encounter.

'Why are you so smug?' I asked.

Phil laughed, 'No reason, so did you have to run here?'

'Unfortunately, and that's not my strong suit. My bed was far too comfortable this morning.' I replied.

'I know the feeling.'

The rest of form passed quickly and before I knew it the bell was ringing to mark 1st lesson. Phil and I had spent the lesson talking about what games were the best. I really liked talking to Phil. I don't know what it was about him, but he was so easy to have a conversation with. He also didn't think I was a freak and didn't want to hit me whenever he saw me which couldn't be said about everyone in this shithole.

'What do you have now then? I asked him.

'Media, what about you?'

'Same, I didn't know you were going to be doing media. I can't believe I am just finding this out about you!' I replied, in shock. How has he been going to the school for 3 days and I haven't found this out about him yet?

'Yeah, it's always been an interest of mine. Seeing as you're going to be going there, I can follow you as I've never been to the lesson before.' Phil said, smiling.

'Cool. Yeah, sure. Follow me.' We walked to the media class where Mrs Farrow was setting up. We took our seats at the back of the classroom. I told Phil to sit next to me considering the fact that he didn't have a seat and no one else wanted to sit next to me anyway. It turns out that Phil knew a lot more about media and showed a much bigger interest in the subject than I ever did. He was able to answer every question that Mrs Farrow threw his way as her way of testing his basic and complex knowledge. I stared in awe at the way he was able to answer every question. _Wow, what was it about this boy that had me so interested?!_

At the end of the lesson, Phil and I had agreed to meet up for lunch in the canteen to grab some lunch. At the end of lesson 3 I made my way for the hall. I had just walked out the building and that's when I heard them calling my name again. _For fuck sake. Why today?! Wasn't I allowed one day when I didn't have to be tormented in some way? _I asked myself as I turned around as not to aggravate Peter or Jackson. I saw them walking towards me laughing at something that I didn't understand.

Peter was the first to talk 'Hey Dan, how's my favourite queer doing?'

'Fuck off Peter, I'm not gay.' I replied sheepishly.

'Ooooo, get you using big scary words!' Peter replied in a mocking voice and laughing slightly. He pushed me against a wall.

Jackson was stood close behind him when he spoke up 'hoping that your boyfriend will come and save you?'

'Leave me the fuck alone.' I replied, and that's when I'd crossed a line. I was greeted with a punch to the gut causing me to yell out in pain.

**Phil's POV**

I stood outside the canteen waiting for Dan. I had enough trust in him that he would turn up however there was only 30 minutes left of lunch and at this rate there wasn't going to be anything left in the canteen. That's when I heard a shout in pain. I tried to brush it off as nothing however it continued, followed by laughter. I knew exactly what that meant so I decided to find out who was being hurt. I hated bullies.

When I turned the corner my eyes exploded at the sight I was exposed to.

Dan, who looked utterly deflated and ready to give up, was being held up against a wall by a well-built boy with blonde hair while his brunette friend jeered and punched Dan in the stomach. That's when I lost my cool.

'WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!' I asked. _Great, nice way to keep a low profile this time around._

The boys turned around to face me.

'Oh look Dan, your boyfriend is here to save you!' They mocked. _Boyfriend?! What were they talking about?_

'Phil, just leave!' Dan coughed out, tears visible in his eyes.

The darker haired boy laughed. 'Awww, Dan's trying to help you here Phil. You're better off leaving.

I stepped closer to him.

'Leave him the fuck alone.' _Why was I being so defensive over a boy I've just met?_

The two boys turned on me now. 'Think you're a big guy do you.' Their voices more serious this time.

'I'm going to say it one more time, Leave Dan Alone.' I said, summoning unknown confidence from thin air.

'Ha. C'mon Jackson, let's go leave the queers alone.' The darker haired one said to his friend, now I assumed to be called Jackson. They grunted and walked off just after they'd left me with a quick threat. 'You'd better watch out Lester.'

I ran up to Dan who was curled up on the floor clutching his stomach.

'Dan, are you okay?'

'Yeah. Thanks.' Dan managed to get out.

'It's okay, can you stand up?' I asked him.

'I think so. You don't have to stay.' He responded wincing in pain as he stood up attempting to gain his balance. 'You don't have to stay you know, I'm used to this.'

'Are you kidding me? I'm not leaving until I know you're okay!' I replied.

'I'm fine Phil. Why are you even here?' Dan asked, looking up at me.

I looked down at him sadly. 'Seriously? I heard a shout and I knew what it was immediately. I know what bullying sounds like in a heartbeat.' _Shit. Now I'm stepping in dark territory_

_**A.N. I'm going to leave this chapter here. I don't really know if this was worth the wait if I'm honest. I am so so sorry about my break from this story. I've had writer block and actually I'm not really sure if I'm passed it. It's taken a couple of drinks, an 8 hour shift and major fatigue to get me to write this. But the pressure is getting too much and I've felt so bad about not updating this when I know that there are people following this story. I hope this chapter isn't too shitty! I'm going to stop rambling, I shouldn't be allowed on the internet this late. I'm so tired and wow, just shut me up already. **_

_**If you have any story ideas that you would like to be included in this then please let me know and I'll try and incorporate it. I don't have a set plan for this story just yet, I feel like it's still in its beginning and I'm not sure where to take it just yet.**_

_**Longest A.N ever! Thank you for reading and I'm sorry for the wait! I'll try and update sooner! Review and favourite if you enjoyed! :)**_


	8. Chapter 8 - Bully

Chapter 8

**Phil's POV**

'What do you mean?' Dan asked. _Fuck fuck fuck, why did I have to say that?_

'Nothing, just forget I said anything.' I said, trying to hide the panic in my voice.

Dan hesitated before replying 'Okay, you should get to lesson, I'm fine.'

'Are you sure? You look pretty bad. I can take you to the nurse if you want?' He did really look bad.

'Yeah, seriously just go. I've had worse before.' I looked sympathetically at him. 'I'll text you when I'm in lesson, I'll be fine.'

'Okay, I'll hold you to that.' I said before walking off making sure he was going to be okay.

**Dan's POV**

Honestly, I didn't really want Phil to leave me. He had made me feel safe but it was well into lesson and I knew no one would be in the corridors at this time. I went and cleaned myself up in the bathroom assessing the damage. Just a few more cuts and bruises to add to the collection. Why did my life have to be so fucked up? I wondered what Phil had meant by what he had said. He had told me to drop the topic and I had at the time, only because I didn't have the strength for him to argue with me. I wasn't going to forget though. I really wanted to know what he had meant by knowing what it looked like. How was I going to get him to tell me though?

At that moment my phone buzzed, distracting me from my thoughts.

_Phil: Hey, you okay? Are you in lesson yet?_

I replied as I walked out the bathroom towards the classroom.

_Me: Just about to go in now. Are you busy after school?_

Almost immediately I got a response.

_Phil: Not that I can think of._

_Me: Do you want to come to mine? Mum's not going to be home until later._

_Phil: yeah, sounds good to me :) x_

_Me: Cool, I have a DT after school. Do you mind waiting around until 3:45? :/_

_Phil: No problem, I'll wait in the library. Have to go, see you after school x_

Great, hopefully I would be able to get him to talk to me this afternoon. I walked into the science lab causing all the heads to look at me. I kept my head down and apologised to the teacher who just told me to take a seat not even questioning why I was 15 minutes late. Punctuality wasn't my forte if it wasn't already evident.

* * *

I walked out of the detention room – I hated that name – and out towards the gates. I could see the messy black hair and bright blue eyes belonging to the one and only Phil waiting for me. Wow, that was a creepy though, I had best keep that one to myself.

I walked quietly behind him, getting ready to make him jump as he hadn't seen me when suddenly he turned around and grinned at me.

'Hey there Dan.'

'Phiiiiil' I wined, 'I was going to make you jump!'

Phil laughed at me 'do you think I couldn't hear your clumsy steps the instant you walked out of the building?'

I grunted playfully, still annoyed that he hadn't let me make him jump. 'Are we going then?' I asked after a moment's silence.

'After you' Phil pointed towards my street and followed as I began walking.

We walked in the house and straight upstairs into my room.

'So, what do you want to do then? We can listen to music, play games, watch TV or all three if you really want' I asked, throwing my bag on the ground and gesturing for Phil to do the same.

'Games and music sounds good to me' he replied sitting on the bed.

'Don't get annoyed at me when I thrash you at Sonic again!' I said, laughing.

* * *

'Dan! How are you even this good?!' Phil exclaimed after losing for the 10th time consecutively.

'It's not that I'm amazing, it's that you're so bad that you make it so easy for me!' I said, earning me a soft punch in the arm.

'I will beat you this time!' Phil answered, restarting the game again.

After a couple of minutes I began to lose focus of the game. My mind wandered back to what had happened in the day and I remembered what Phil had said: 'I know what bullying sounds like in a heartbeat'. I began to get curious again, what had he meant.

'Hey, Phil?'

'Yeah?'

'What did you mean earlier?' I asked cautiously.

'What do you mean?' He looked up from the game, realising that I was no longer paying any attention to the game.

'What you said about bullying, what did you mean?' I asked again.

'Oh, right that. I hoped that you'd forget about that to be honest.' He looked down at his hands.

'Well I didn't, why are you so familiar with it?'

'Well, erm… There were people at my old school, and well, lets just say they weren't the best lot of people…'

'Like Jackson and Peter you mean?' I asked.

'Yeah, somehow I ended up getting mixed in with their crowd-'

'-what? You used to bully people?' I was shocked, Phil couldn't really be that type of person could he?!

'NO! Well, sort of…' Phil was shaking now, I just wanted to give him a hug. 'I didn't have a choice in it okay. I didn't want to do anything that I did. But if I wasn't the one delivering a punch, then I would be the one to get it. I really didn't want you to find out about this but you have to know that I'm not the person that I used to be. I'm not like that at all.'

He looked at me and I could see tears in his eyes. His whole body was shaking and so was I. I didn't know what to think. How could Phil, the kindest person I had met, have been a bully?

Phil's voice snapped me out of my spiralling thoughts 'Please say something. If you hate me then I totally get it, I'll leave you alone if you want me to. I'm sorry.'

'What?! What are you talking about?' Hate! How could I hate Phil when he was the best person I had met? I may not have known him for long, but I know that he's amazing… 'You're the first person to ever have accepted me just for who I am. You're the first person to stand up for me. I could never hate you Phil. You're the only friend I have and you're the best one at that. Whoever you used to be, it's not who you are now, is it?'

'No! I'm not like that and I never want to be like that again either.'

'Well then, I'm glad that fish is out the water!' Although he had just told me that, it still felt like he was hiding something, something that he never wanted me to find out, but I didn't know what…

* * *

_**A.N. I'M SORRY! Trust me, I am very very sorry! I had hoped to get this chapter up by last Tuesday but I didn't get round to finishing it then. And then this weekend was my birthday and I've had no time! I have a plan for the next chapters it's just a case of writing then which hopefully I should be able to do once I get my Christmas holidays! Hope everyone is doing well, and you enjoy this chapter – I tried to make it a little bit longer to make up for the lack of chapters but this is kind of a filler chapter anyway… Leave a review if you enjoyed, I love hearing what you say! :)**_


	9. Chapter 9 - Luke

Tick

Tock

Tick

Tock

TICK

TOCK

The clock was getting louder and louder and louder.

It was the only thing he could hear and he wanted it to stop.

He couldn't see because it was so dark, it was beginning to strangle him. He stood up from his bed and walked over to the source of the ticking. It was his small bedside clock that he had thrown across the room in a fit of anger. And now another fit of anger caused him to lift up his foot and smash the clock into 50 tiny pieces.

Silence.

Finally, silence.

Dan had said goodbye to Phil earlier that night but all he could think about was what Phil had said to him. He used to be a bully. There must have been more to it. Dan didn't want to believe it at all. Phil was the first person to befriend him in what seemed like forever. After Luke died when they were 12, Dan had no one making him an easy target. An easy target that Phil would have abused. Just like Jackson and Peter.

But that was impossible. Phil was just too nice. Besides, he seems just as broken as he was, Dan thought to himself. It was obvious that Phil wasn't okay, maybe that's what stemmed from the bully or maybe that's what caused him to do it.

There were so many questions buzzing around Dan's head and it was driving him crazy. He needed to do something. He needed answers. He picked up his phone and text Phil.

_Can I ask you something? –D_

The reply was instant.

_Yeah, go ahead? –P_

_Why did you bully others? I know you told me that you didn't have a choice, but I just don't understand. If you knew what it was like then you would never choose it. :/ -D _

_I didn't have a choice Dan. I'll tell you the whole story but not now. I'm sorry. I know that I owe you more. –P_

Dan knew that he wouldn't get his answers now. The answers that he so desperately needed to calm him down and stop the constant buzzing of thoughts in his head. But he also knew that he had to respect Phil. At least he promised to tell him the whole story at some point.

_Okay, see you tomorrow. x –D_

After sending the text Dan grabbed his coat and put on his shoes. There was no way he was going to be sleeping any time soon. And when he felt this way he knew exactly where to go.

* * *

The graveyard was about a mile away from Dan's house and it was all uphill. Dan didn't mind this too much as he enjoyed walking in the night. It was about 12:30am by the time Dan reached the gate leading into the eerie setting. Even though it was almost pitch black apart from Dan's phone torch lighting the ground, Dan knew exactly where he needed to go.

When he couldn't think, or things would get too much for him at home with Dad, or Dan had had a particularly bad day with the bullies at school, he always went to talk to Luke about it. He knew that Luke was 6 feet under the ground, but Dan always felt like he would still be listening to his complaints.

'Hey Luke' Dan said once arriving at the headstone.

'I don't know if you know this, I don't know what you can and can't see, but I have a new friend.' Dan started in a tone that conveyed happiness and sadness at the same time. 'I say friend, he's the first person to actually engage in a conversation with me since you died. But I don't know if I'm making a huge mistake. I wish you could tell me if I was. Phil seems like the nicest guy, I've honestly never met anyone so honest and kind, and I mean he fucking stood up for me in front of Jackson! No one has ever done that!'

Dan chuckled to himself and continued, 'But anyway, I wish you could tell me if I'm doing the right thing here in trusting him. He told me he used to bully other people. How could I be friends with a bully? Even if he doesn't do it now, it just doesn't make sense. Nothing makes sense anymore now Luke. I just really wish you were here. I miss you dude.'

Dan slumped against the rock and rested his head. He sighed. Usually talking to Luke made him feel better and helped him to understand what he needed to do. This time however, he was still just as stuck as before.

After half an hour Dan decided he should probably get back home before it started to get light. It was only 2 am, but Dan felt like he could easily fall asleep right there in the graveyard. He picked his heavy body up and willed it to walk home. He knew that he had to get that story out of Phil some way and he knew that it needed to be soon.

* * *

***comes out of hiding* Hi…**

**So, where the hell have you been all this time? Who me? Ooooh, you're wondering why I haven't uploaded to this story in so freaking long? Weeelllll, I was close to giving up on it tbh. I just haven't known what to write and this chapter is in a different style to any others and doesn't quite run with the whole story line (I introduced a random character ffs). Anyway, I hope I'll be able to write more to this soon but I'm not making any promises…**

**Also, UCAS is over (university application process) and guess who hasn't applied… *slowly raises hand* Yep, so I don't know what the f^ck I'm doing with my life next year. I'm loving this existential crisis going on over here… *goes back into hiding once more***

**One more thing, I did a quick one shot that I'm actually really proud of, if you want to, check it out on my profile pleease? Would mean a lot to me :) **

**Rate and Review if you liked this chapter too. Wow, award for the longers A/N goes to thatgirlwhowatchesyoutube. **

**Thank you guys xxx**


	10. Chapter 10 - Finish it

**Phil's POV**

I tried to avoid Dan in school, though it was quite a task considering we shared pretty much all our lessons. I had already hidden in the bathroom for form time. It was on my way to English after Lunch that I could hear a voice calling my name in the distance. I knew it had to be Dan.

If I just continued walking, he might think I hadn't heard him.

I didn't have so much luck. With a tug on my arm, I turned around to be met by a worn out, tired looking, Dan.

'Bloody hell, did you really have to make me run through school!' Dan cried out.

'Sorry, I didn't hear you calling me'

Dan rolled his eyes, 'yeah whatever,' he replied. 'Look I know you're ignoring me/avoiding me/whatever it is. I don't care. I just wanted to apologise to you. I shouldn't have pushed for information yesterday and I'm sorry. Whatever it is that you don't want to tell me, I'm not going to force you to. But just so you know, you can trust me with anything; I promise I won't tell anyone.'

I was taken aback by his outburst. Honestly, it was the best thing I could have heard all day. I didn't really want people knowing about my past. 'Look Dan, what you're asking me for, I can't give you. Maybe one day, but if anyone finds out, my past will just come to haunt me once again. I'll let you know one day.'

Dan looked disappointed but nodded anyway 'that's okay. Anyway, we should get going to English, Miss Farrow is not fund to deal with when she's pissed'. And at that, we went off to English.

By the end of the day I was exhausted. I hadn't heard from Dad since the note he had left me the day before. Going home would probably be the best idea, and going home promptly at that. The bell sounded and I ran out of school as fast as I could, sending a quick text to Dan on the way.

* * *

**Dan's POV**

Can't stay after school. See you tomorrow! X – P

I looked down at my phone having just left ICT. I was slightly disappointed that Phil couldn't stick around to chat, but at least he wasn't completely ignoring me anymore. I pulled my headphones out of my pocket and began the gruelling task of untangling them.

I hit play and got ready to walk home when suddenly I was being dragged back by my bag.  
When I looked around to see what had caused it I wasn't surprised.

'Peter.' I said, subconsciously touching my still bruised ribs.

'Hello Danny. Looks like you don't have your boyfriend to help you out this time.' Peter sneered back.

I sighed; I should have known that I got lucky yesterday. Bullies don't back off that easily.

Peter turned back to his gang, 'so, should we finish off what we started boys?' They jeered as they began their advance towards me. With tears in the corners of my eyes, I prepared for what was about to happen.

**_Hey guys,_**

**_So I haven't updated this in probably over a year but I've been inspired to write something again. I'll probably write a couple more chapters in the next few weeks. I'm planning on rewriting the whole thing anyway and uploading it to AO3 too so if you want to read the story over there where it will have a few changes too go follow me on 'keepmecoffeedup'_**


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